It’s been seven months since I last posted in this blog. A lot has changed in my life in seven months:
- I’ve moved from one end of the continent to the other (Alaska to Florida)
- My daughter got married in June
- My son has moved and bought his first home
- I went from being extremely busy in a well-paying job to relatively unbusy in a non-job.
Technically I’m not “unemployed,” since the formal definition of that term requires one to be looking for a job. I’m not. After a lot of discussion, prayer, and doubts, my wife and I decided that I needed to “take some time off.” If it were a more formal arrangement, one might call this a “sabbatical,” but I don’t have an end date, and I’m not going back to my old job (as far as I know, anyway). We’ve relocated to an idyllic place where I can spend my time decompressing, studying, thinking, and learning how to relax (which is the toughest task I think I’ve ever had).
One of my goals for this time has been to spend a lot of time thinking and studying, and then writing on a fairly regular basis. We’ve been in our new home now for a little more than a month, and we’re settled enough that I’ve embarked on the studying, and was starting to feel guilty for not having written yet. My biggest challenge hasn’t been motivation or finding a topic, but rather to distill all the thoughts into something singular to post about.
“So what are you going to write about today, Brain?”
“The same thing I do every time, Pinky: How to fix the world.” (1990s cartoon reference in honor of my kids)
While topics such as the Affordable Care Act, the federal government shutdown, NSA spying on pretty much everybody, and others are interesting potential fodder for future posts, I want to start with what I see as a meta-theme and my approach to it.
I’ve struggled mightily to try to accurately define this meta-theme that I see prevalent throughout our society, and I’m still not sure I’ve done it accurately. For lack of a more accurate term, I’m going to initially refer to it as a “spirit of offendedness.” It seems to me that we have a strong tendency to be offended, and in fact, that we often seem to seek reasons to be offended. Whether it’s in traffic, or an encounter with a neighbor and loose dogs, or collectively in our political tribes, or in just about any group encounter, we are offended by the actions of others. It seems to be our default position. Note, I’m using first person plural throughout this description, as I’m seeing it in myself, and not just trying to pin it on everyone else.
I think there’s a relationship here between the “spirit of offendedness” and the divisiveness plaguing our nation, but I’m not sure exactly what that relationship is. But the combination of our proclivity to be offended, and the divisiveness in virtually all aspects of our country seem to be at the root of much of the troubles we’re facing today, at the macro and the micro level.
I’m not going to try to defend my argument today; that’s not the point of my post. Instead, with this new start to my (hopefully) regular blogging, I’m committing publicly to try to defuse this meta-theme in my own actions, thoughts, and writing. Further, by putting it here, I’m giving you permission to call me on it when I come up short. Finally, I’m inviting you to join me. See, the more I consider it, the more I realizing that I’m trying to draw on one of the most significant moments of my life, when wisdom it me so hard in the nose that it still stings 30 years later.
Early in my Army career, I had the extreme fortune to be assigned as the platoon leader’s RTO (although at the time I saw nothing fortunate about it at all). We had jumped into an exercise at sundown, then moved all night before setting up in our patrol base. Normally that would mean time to get some sleep, but my PL wanted me to help him build a sand table to prepare to brief the operations order. I was tired, grumpy, and generally being a punk private, and went into a profanity laced tirade about how hosed up everything was. As I was about to hit my rhythm, LT Miller bellowed, “Walker, Shut the f*(& up! You’re real good at telling me everything that is wrong, but you never say a single word about how to fix it. Until you have a viable solution, I don’t want to hear another word out of you!” My immediate response was to close my mouth, although I’m sure my brain went into a nonverbal tirade about the obnoxious know-it-all-lieutenant. But after the red drained out of my face, I realized he was right. If all you’re doing is telling everyone you see what is wrong with what’s going on, but you’re not doing anything constructive to make it better, you’re just bitching. That seems to be our new national pastime. I’ve probably failed at following LT Miller’s advice more than I’ve succeeded, but I’ve tried to make it a maxim to live by.
So here’s the deal: I am going to try not to take up offense, or to be divisive. Instead, I’m going to work here, and in all aspects of my life, to try to unite people, to find common ground. I’m going to work, when I see something that bugs me, that I don’t like, or that might actually inconvenience me, to try to understand the reasoning behind the other position before I assume that the other is trying to ruin my life. I’m not going to begin with the assumption (or the perceived “fact”) that the person or group that is offending me is a selfish, or worse yet devious idiot who is determined to ruin me, my country, or my drive to the store. Maybe they know something I don’t? Maybe they have different (which does not mean wrong) priorities? Maybe they just made an honest mistake (rather than a devious lie designed to deceive)?
I’m not saying I’m not going to debate, or disagree–just that I’m not going to disagree from a point of offense or divisiveness, but from a point of trying to achieve understanding, and seeking common ground.
For me, that’s pretty radical. Want to join me?